Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
