Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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