So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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