dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
