I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
