he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
