you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
