I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
