My liver just broke up with me...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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