but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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