her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
