I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
