life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
