the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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