I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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