The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize