My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize