Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's official drugs can't kill me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
