At least make sure they are 18
Why
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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