paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
