There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize