I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
