And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
