im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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