I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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