Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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