So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
