I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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