There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
