I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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