yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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