I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
