Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
