I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
