I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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