You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize