I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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