I smell stomach acid.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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