STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
