I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
