I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
