Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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