That's intense
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
