i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
