if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize