my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
