two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
