i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
