I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
