spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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