Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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