Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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