Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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