Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
