Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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