I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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