I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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