OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
