I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
