Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize