so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
