I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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