i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
