I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
