My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sobbing to NWA
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
