I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
