What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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