I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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