when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
whose parrot is this?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
