im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
MIDGETS
????
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
