I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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