$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
