I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
