Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
