Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Houston, we have a squirter
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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