While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
