Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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