Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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