you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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