I could make wine with my vomit
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
