the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize