Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
