love makes seman taste better
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
