i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You ruined the universe
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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