I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Mom said you looked used
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
