if you like me you must not know who I am
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
