You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
