shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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