OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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