she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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