I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize