Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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