I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize