I have demons in me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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