Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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