How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
