And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
